Un/Supportive II

Lance A Worth's picture

After further emails from my friend, I believe I may have sourced the problems:

My friend identifies as androgynous/transgender, and does not understand the difference between this and me identifying as male flat out.

My friend has pride in who zie is, and may be mistaking my newly forming sense of self, struggles with my body, and other life issues with me acting as a survivor rather than someone who is proud of themselves.

My friend is 'disappointed by but accepting of' hir body' and thinks I should feel the same...

My friend has literally stated that it is a "tragedy" when people take hormones and get surgery because zie believes that person must be doing it for society (an extension of the above, I believe). Zie does not understand that I am disgusted and nauseated by my body and that this is the real reason I'm doing it.

This may be my fault. I may have misexplained myself. All I'm sure of is that I am grateful that we are both affirming our friendship while undergoing this difficult process. I am grateful that zie has apologised for coming off too hard and is making it clear that hir desire is to understand.

 

remember to check out my other blog, Project Pastiche.

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there are no single, right answers

arvan's picture

lance,

each of us values our definition of our own body, sex & gender.  these definitions are sometimes static, sometimes fluid and always dear to us. 

embracing each other's definitions of self do not negate our own. the trick is in reminding ourselves of that, so that we can celebrate in each other's definitions without feeling that we need to have the same definition...without feeling that our own definition is in any way diminished or threatened.

arvan

 

I think you've hit it on the head here

Lance A Worth's picture

Zie does seem threatened by my self-definitions :/ This one poor quality is about the only bad thing I've found in them and there is too much awesome to dismiss. I love hir so much that I can't give up :) .

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