What makes a person decide to explore bisexuality?
I can't answer for other people but I can tell you what it was for me; the need to be adventurous or “wild”! A need to push the boundaries, to be different and to see how far I could take it. I like experiencing new things and I like to give most things a try. You can't say it's not for you unless you try it, right? At least once, but a few more times if you're not 100% sure... Just to be sure.
If I was to be completely honest though, I actually wanted to be bi, even though at the time I didn't feel I ever could be, I just didn't feel that way about girls... At least not then... we can all see where this is going now can't we :)
I was keen to kiss girls for the shock value and the turn on factor more than anything, especially if it was in public. At first it felt foreign; much like your first kiss or the first time you had sex. I felt uncoordinated and unsure just like a virgin would; I didn't know if I was doing it “right” even though I'm a girl and "should" know how they work, right? Either way I have to say that the reaction it got from my partner was awesome and was a big reason I kept going back for more... in the beginning.
I was doing it more for the reaction than for the experience itself so it came as a big surprise to me the first time I felt something more. I was sitting with a gal pal of mine, we were both drunk, sharing some deep thoughts and then it hit me — I really liked her... and not in a “just a friend” manner; I actually wanted to kiss her and then some. It completely spun me out! How the hell did that happen? She's not bi or a lesbian so there was nothing in it but apparently I was changing.
It took a while and a few more playful experiences while swinging before I experienced that feeling again. This time I was on a mood altering substance, it was an orgy and there was this girl (there's always “this girl” lol); absolutely gorgeous, a personal trainer and heaps of fun. I couldn't believe it when I just wanted to kiss her do sexual things to her all night.
I put it down to not being fully “straight” either time so you can imagine how shocked I was when it happened again when I wasn't on anything! WTF? I thought of myself a straight woman playing bi since I didn't feel anything for girls... !
This raised a lot of questions for me; would I have had a tendency to feel that way about a girl if I hadn't been driven to be different or “wild”? If I hadn't wanted to be bi would I have developed these feelings? Is it something you can will yourself into becoming? Do I even call myself bi? Or am I bi-fraud; a wannabe bi?
So many questions and I'm not sure there are any real answers... and does it matter? Some people are truly bi; they were naturally attracted to both sexes, some people are curious and then find out they like it, some are never emotionally drawn to the same sex but like what they can do for them and then some never admit to their desire to explore it because it's “wrong” which is a real shame... *wonders where Mr Wonderful fits in those descriptions* I might have to get Mr Wonderful's perspective on this one check out “his view” on http://www.chantelleaustin.com.
At the end of the day this is who I am, this is what I like and I want to continue to explore all things sex and sexuality related. I still want to be different and push the boundaries. I have felt a desire to be with some girls so no, I don't think I'm a fraud but I do admit to being happy about wanting girls in that way, it's sort of a dream come true... *skips off to find a girlfriend*
...and that's just what I think :o)
http://www.chantelleaustin.com <taken from Chantelle's Diary>