Would Cleopatra Have Used Summer's Eve?

EvilSlutClique's picture

In a refreshing change of pace for us, the most offensive thing in the August issue of Cosmo had nothing to do with the actual content of the magazine. That honor goes to a Summer's Eve ad that declares that Cleopatra would have been a big fan of their 'feminine hygiene' products. Let's break it down.

Cleopatra used sea kelp, goat's milk, and rosemary leaves. Life's hard even for a beautiful young pharaoh. Famine. Droughts. Marriage with a younger brother.

Yeah, you know how it is. Droughts, famines. Had to marry her brother, that must have been a bummer, am I right? At this point I was thinking that they had to be kidding, because nobody could possibly think this this was a good description of Cleopatra or summary of the hardships that she faced in her life. Unfortunately for me, I tested that theory by reading the rest.

But Cleopatra still found the time to take care of her most precious resource. No, not the Nile. We're talking about her V.

That's right, everyone. You may have thought that Cleopatra's most precious "resource" was her intelligence, political acumen, courage, strength, or charisma. Nope, sorry folks, it's all about the ladybits. I also can't help but read between the lines here. By saying that her most precious resource was "her V", are they going for a 'magical wonderful essence of womanhood' sort of a thing...or just implying that she used sex to get what she wanted? Like I said, I'm sure I'm reading into this more than the brilliant ad agency who wrote it intended, but I think this whole concept is pretty weird.

You can bet she would have loved to have Summer's Eve Cleansing Wash and Cleansing Cloths back then. Specially formulated, they help get you fresh and keep you fresh all day long. Now, what queen doesn't love that?

Since Cleopatra lived in a totally different time and a different society with its own rules and practices regarding hygiene, I can bet that she wouldn't. (And of course even here in our own time, many experts consider most of Summer's Eve's products to be unnecessary or even unhealthy for women.) What are the rest of the ads in this campaign going to look like? Maybe we'll find out that Joan of Arc was more successful in battle when she felt fresh, or that Marie Curie totally would have endorsed Summer's Eve's special formulas. If you need to get in a time machine to create an imaginary celebrity spokesperson for your product, maybe it's time to rethink your ad campaign.

[Cross-posted from Evil Slutopia]

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