You make it what you want it to be
from Victoria's Sex Blog
What do you want out of your sex life? No matter what your background is, what mistakes you think you’ve made, or what misfortunes you’ve come across, you always have something to say about how to envision your own sexuality. You probably already have alot more choice over your sexual identity, actions, and lifestyle than you realize - especially if you live in a part of the world where you have access to this blog – and the many other blogs and images and films and stories that take a positive view of sex. Elsewhere in the world, obviously, there are still many outside barriers that restrict people from the kind of freedom I believe life intended us all to have over our own bodies.
It takes time and experimentation for each of us to discover what exactly having a “sex life” means. For some people, it’s only possible to have one with themselves, during certain periods of their lives or over their lifetime, sometimes by choice, sometimes by circumstance. But it’s the only body you get for this lifetime, so you might as well learn to love and enjoy it on all levels! You can choose to masturbate, or not; you can choose to look at others’ bodies but not touch, or not; and you can choose to look at images of others’ bodies and sexual lifestyles as much as you wish. Or not. There’s only one condition to truly owning this kind of freedom: no guilt allowed, no questionning, and no worrying. You must learn to be at peace with yourself and the way you see and experience your unique sexuality.
Do you know anyone who is completely at peace with this? I can’t say I do… everyone seems to carry baggage about sex because of the judgments and beliefs that have pervaded the subject since… forever. Just imagine if there were no restrictions and no taboos; would it turn into the sexual free-for-all that one generation proclaimed in the sixties? I don’t think so. I think we’re in a completely different space today with our individual and collective beliefs on sexuality, and that any evolution we’ve seen is due to alot of hard work by many, many people, by painfully sweeping away old beliefs on all levels rather than inventing anything new. We are all innocent until we decide we’re not, which is a judgment as easily inflicted unconsciously on ourselves as it is used consciously on others.
So just try to imagine that it’s okay. It’s okay to prefer women over men, even if you’re a woman. It’s okay to want to masturbate weekly, or never, or daily. It’s okay to feel more like being on top all the time or walking around the house with your clothes off or experimenting with sex toys. My simplistic vision is that if these simple things had truly been allowed to be okay for many generations before us, we wouldn’t see so many extreme, violent manifestations of abusive sexuality that are hurtful to others, and ultimately, to ourselves, when we obsess about them or act on them.
It is no more complicated than an omnipresent imbalance, which we cannot blame entirely on any one individual, but on an entire collective vision of the way things “should” be… as dictated to us by the very groups we collectively invented to control each other… like religion and media. The first inculcated us with guilt about our bodies and our sexuality; the latter encourages us to dream endlessly of being and having something more. First we need to remind ourselves that we are perfect just the way we are, that it’s okay to be ourselves, that we are always enough. Then we have to communicate, honestly, and vulnerably, with those we choose to share our sexuality with.
I have always just wanted my sex life to be sacred as opposed to profane. It may have alot to do with me being female, by my vision has just always been “sex, love and intimacy” rather than “sex, drugs and rock’n roll.” And most of the time sex is sacred to me (which explains my aversion to pornography) - part of which includes sharing my thoughts and experiences in a pretty public way for something I consider sacred – so it’s like sharing the most precious thing I know. Sexual energy is our most alive, creative energy, and having lots of it is a beautiful thing; of course it helps to learn to channel it into activities that allow us to create in other ways besides overpopulating a dying planet… surely we can use the time we have here to bring something helpful to others? People with less sexual energy are perhaps already more focussed on what they need to bring the world, or maybe there’s something in the way that needs some unblocking; either way, the point is… as human beings, we’re all sexual beings, we’re all okay, and we’ll know that for sure when we believe it about ourselves and maintain that belief towards others.