the gay love coach's picture

Sex & the Single Gay Guy


“To have sex or not to have sex, that is the question.” While it’s certainly important to have a healthy sexuality when you’re single, how you negotiate your sexual behavior as a gay man if you’re on a “boyfriend hunt” can definitely have an impact on helping or hurting your cause. Have you ever gone out on a date that seemingly went really well to then be utterly confused when the guy doesn’t ever call you again after you’ve slept together? Or what if you’re in-between relationships, what role does sex play in your life? What do you do if that hot guy asks you back to his place after your first meeting? Are one-night stands ok?

These questions remain at the forefront of every single gay man’s mind as he embarks out into the dating world, and they can be quite controversial topics for discussion among gay circles. The bottom line is that there are no steadfast rules or right/wrong answers to these questions necessarily; our sexuality is our own responsibility and we have personal choice in terms of how we decide to express this part of ourselves. But those unique choices you make about sex can have implications for relationship success if your ultimate goal is to find your life partner, and this article will address some of those factors and offer suggestions for navigating through those tricky decision-making processes.

book of blue's picture

Beltane in New England

My altar, dressed for Beltane. Photo by Eric, created around April 30, 2009.

My altar, dressed for Beltane. Photo by Eric, created around April 30, 2009.

Beltane was a time marker for me, the conclusion of my fourth consecutive 45 day experiment in choosing not to have sex with other people. In other words, not being refused sex or experiencing the challenges of negotiating fair, loving sex—but rather setting the matter aside and having sex only with myself.

It happened that the last woman I was sexual with was in November, during Sahwen time (around Nov. 2). I knew then that there were certain things from that experience that I didn’t want to repeat (I haven’t told any of those stories here yet), so I took over my erotic journey and decided that I would be the one setting the terms. I decided to go in 45-day phases because they seemed manageable and short enough to endure, but long enough to be meaningful. They are also convenient points along the calendar—going from quarter-day [solstice or equinox] to cross-quarter day [Beltane, Sahwen, etc.].

arvan's picture

Welcome To SexGenderBody

I define my sex, gender, body.  You define yours.

These words summarize the intention of this site.  There are no experts to tell us how to claim or identify our own sex, gender, body (sgb).

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